i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
