the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
