a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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