thus making me awesome and them whores
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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