1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
