Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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