Umm I'm too high to move.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
