fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm bleeding and have questions
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
