Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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