i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found the puke drawer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
