I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize