i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize