He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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