There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
