Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
