I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
