Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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