Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
