so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
