I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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