A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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