look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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