guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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