"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
