I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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