I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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