somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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