So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
