i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
