sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
