I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
