return my video game
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
