Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
