Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
