Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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