K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
