Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize