I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
