im drinking this country out of the recession.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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