Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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