I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
