Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize