Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
