Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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