I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
