im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
