I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's rum buckets o'clock
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
