I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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