omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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