I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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