New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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