You just made me feel so damn special
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
