he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
