Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
