So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
