two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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