be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
