i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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