I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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