You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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