i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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