Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
