The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
