the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
