Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize