I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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