WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
