I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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