Pregnant stripper...not hot.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
