Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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