I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
