i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
