So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
