sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
