drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
