After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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