About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
