He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
