batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
