Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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