You're completely useless in the revolution.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
