I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
