I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
