What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
