I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
