We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
