I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
