ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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