If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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