Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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