My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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