the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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