Just fell off a train. Bad.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
