apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
