it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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