he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
