you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
