If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and she was petting her beer can
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
