When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
