I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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