I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
