i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
