all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize