Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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