I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
