dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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