My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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