The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Randomize
