i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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