You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
