well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize