I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
