Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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