Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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